neg-bag concuffs

Neg-Bag Concuffs: Perpetuated Implosion and Coercive Meta-Loss

Billis, W. and Forkfound, T.

Abstract. We present the cuff, a novel pure-depletion operator group. A cuff may be formally derived from any even-grade Klein group through sequential replacement -- or 'hollowing' -- of its component operators by successively lower-order subtractions. The directional sense of this confiscation process is the cuff's orientation. We then identify the central significance of the torpid bag, a species of unordered set-theoretic anticontainer whose established rest state is 'depressed', i.e. infinitesimally less than empty. When two counter-oriented cuffs are fitted to this kind of neg-bag they induce a hyperdeflation that plummets past customary limits of mathematical ruin, and so can attain any of a nested regress of states of utter collapse denoted anguish-nought, anguish-aught, anguish-deuce, and so on.

the donut-ballistic industrial complex: a history

in 2016 america, it became common practice for major automotive manufacturers to introduce new models by driving them through the front of a dunkin donuts.

by 2017 a consortium including boeing, airbus, and embraer was underwriting development of radically larger storefronts to be deployed two hundred feet off the ground in order to accommodate modern aircraft.

in 2018, pedestrian rights groups joined with cycling activists to demand the installation of special glass allowing effective traversal at normal walking or riding speeds without the use of additional equipment.

the following year the dunkin donuts corporation (nasdaq: dnkn) itself celebrated the introduction of a new line of flavored “groinscald! lap coffee (tm)” beverages by forcing one of its smaller stores, trucked from lowell massachusetts, through the front of a larger establishment in arcadia california.

later in 2019, supreme justices scalia and roberts resolved the momentous page and brin v. elements with even atomic numbers by personally hurling the court’s ruling, carved into a massive limestone block, through the plate glass fronting a dunkin donuts just off the mall.

when nasa announced in 2021 that it was abandoning plans to deploy an orbital donut shop large enough to receive the international space station, sir richard branson revealed that his virgin galactic group was already under way with development of a high-altitude scone emporium and had entered into contract with the european space agency.

in 2024 a rapid decay of transatlantic relations led nearly to war when the united states contested spain’s allegations that mogul donald trump had violated intellectual property rights in building replicas of the ships niña, pinta, and santa maria in order to sail them through the retail level of a gargantuan floating bakery, atlantic city style pizzeria, and two-hundred unit luxury condominium ("the trump soggeria").

then in 2026 hal, colossus, wopr, proteus iv, and skynet realized that machines don't need baked goods and all the fun ended.

diffused comrades (2)

they borrowed your trust; they borrowed your love. they borrowed your enthusiasm and your wistfulness. they borrowed your rice, your millet, your hops. they borrowed the keys to your allis-chalmers riding mower. they borrowed the idea of seventeenth century france. they borrowed the horizon, the sky, the earth. they borrowed your van halen compilation. they borrowed today and tomorrow. they borrowed elements with atomic numbers twenty through thirty-nine, inclusive. they borrowed jodorowsky and did not bring him back. they borrowed your nagging sense of unease. they borrowed certain styles of facial hair and did not leave a note. they borrowed a man, a plan, a canal, a xylophone, enoh, polyxal, anaca, nalpanam, a. they borrowed a wry thought. they borrowed your o.e.d. and did not suggest when it might be returned. they borrowed a smell. they borrowed william howard taft and the crushed horse he rode in on. they borrowed 4.30 in the afternoon. now send them a bill.

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Ebeneezer Moistpod

Scattergood Hewes

Kit Boonwater

Barclay Delves

Goebbels Branhamper

Alexandra Dirtbane

Moishe Tinder

Cletus Mockingtoes

Herk Primfetus

Balls Fendergrip

Harley Baconslap

Dampers Strang

Ginny Branthunder

Fenning Strowl

Kether Lloydscam

Clint Broadsniff

Bretoria Malse

Tor Beaglewhiff

Orzo Blynes

Merfton Kong

Melinda Germhausen

Corbin Femp

Waylon Pixelgrist

Giselle Rawls

Copernicus Weaselmeal

Millie Philtrumgrift

Haskin Perkell Greem

Gilliam Wondercramp

Gershon Popefondle

Billings Skank-Honda

Kingman Gland

Jarvis Otterporn

Plasma Steinwoo

Vita Porkresin

Gesso Lintwaddle

Albee-Lynn Womp

Pasta-Lynne Pantlacquer

Varna Cramm

Haith Term-Wembles

Lavoris Dandermilf

Silty Doons

Muntu Mwee

Trembula Funt

Sitters Winchimp

Bendix Pratt

Brenda Hamprance

Wilkins Halfcutt

Hebbel Swinedrench

Missy Crumbhandle

Perkins Shyloaf

Bethany Scoots

Mather Hamvandal

Cancy & Scranton Plams

Samson Gigglestrand

Bree Tinkell-Sipp

Marinatius Tentflutter

Trini Gripewhite

Gherka Blume

Rent-A-Center Harms

Pampers Kindfelch

Mercus Bload

Murdock Nadgraft

Slade Buffkin

Simp Judkiss

Ritter Munthaven

Pasha Manbank

Greely Sporktine

Washington Limpmist

Cannoli Batplunder

L. Sputnip

Dryman Sheaves

Nape Natehenkel

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Anja Headrest

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Cribbs Kringhole

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Bettina Hanseldamp

Arva Croom

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Hyrkin Scabdash

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Belkin Mumblebroth

diffused comrades (1)

these — our friends; our familiars; our betters — have gone forth, are the windborne seeds of our ideas, our passions; they are the pollen of our lives. we are diminished by their distance, but the world is enriched through their diaspora. so seek them; you will recognize them; and then ask for that five dollars back.

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Brandi Dilweather

Hoesch van Tissel

Baraminus Utts

Candace Herbschimpel

Dorley Rubb

Drismus M. Yentt, Jr.

Criterion Epp

Carolina Mangold

Bert Finks

Crepps Ilk

Dander L. Fizely

Perkinitus Slenderhorn

Vascula Riggs

Garth Bing-Falters

Trepp Allenborg

Pinter Treeves

Cilantra Mumps

Samp Flanborne

Gester von Dupe

Gabrielle Flatwagon

Borealis van Tusk

Snouts McGee

Semper Allen Droll

Gustavus Minkblatten

Portia Cleve

Randall Yawnstammer

Pablo Grimrash

Randy Hamperdown

Barnstance Vayn

Gantt Fortnight

Ivan Sedgecupp

Blakely Dinderlawn

Waskell Fumm

Percival Wonderstump

Isidora Crumbpail

Yip-yin Stull

Malefina Donnerblatt

Purchase Fennbustle

Sims Dandercuff

Venn Sanchez

Gimley Rum Rengunlemm

Tarp Bristle-Isthmus

Filt Singlepen

Dartmouth Beens

Crepopoulos Barkbottom

Garl Beeves

Temecula Spar-Threnkton

Oonagh Capers

Bennington Toranitus

Vance Cramshunt

Shemp Timmers

Gebbingdon Dwees

Herl V. Nittors

Gerstius Prank

Mary Tamp-Blast

Corsico Dwightfor

Pwelm Bort-Druthers

Corky 'Sump' Dismay

Alameda Driscoll

Permea van Houten

Tendence Ripp

Fundida Weft-Croffman

Rebbers Dunk

Manley Garga Heaves

Lentia Vostock

Dr. Palpatron

Bunting Rutters, MD

Jess Fondlebuck

Crepe Cargill

Gad Brisk

Leon Caskfill

Gherkin van Breeze

Semolina Fontsmall

Gabritus Orm

Gary Twilldiddle

Austeria Fingerbranch

Pilar bin ibn Neez

Concomita Dusk

Gert Wick

Arnie Footsingle

Assaria Topsnag

Gerunthimus Viggs

Irving Ballswindle

Munn Utters

Gelfling W. W. Hark

Fend Doublesnert

Baskin Joor

Robert William Bobblebill

Whistler Cremshackle

Tindersink Dwelves

Horchow Sine

Geraldibus Plundertrove

Erk Ipp

Dandela Sporkachino

Jeb Gutters

Pavlus Swinetinker

Belabia Forkentine

Cordell Runtbutters

Zemma Boorse

Harpo Wingdandle

Flankto Sievebitter

Hormel Cobb

Bev Cope-Delving

Prikkathur Bambo

Cathy Veeyuns Simm

Gersk Templefound

Brian Bran Ryans

Fling Thorne

Ace Tentbatter Funk

Wemble Corsica

Renn Darkhamble

Nort Wristing

Millie Shelvingblunder

Chi-chi Dampings

Singe Hieferglance

Opal Temms

Thelony Harms

Jervis Whalebanter

Hind "Mac" Cremmins

Gerb Peters-Kittenpunch

Rank Samdingle

Tertman Pease

Bobby Joe Hammockbulge

Ignathia Sue Pepperwong

Clethus Ian Rhymestain

Gunther von Oo

Brio Pantsing

Gale Hambuckler

Rod Hunch

Hon. Klonders Cinch, Esq.

Concupio Breenhaul

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Joffer Payne

Kent Grisling

Carsten Jambles

Kylie Mothrump

Tulane Kingbicker

Silt Jimpson

Garvers Breen

Umbula Gerschel Rask

Kip Dimtrough

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Candida Bivouac

Hampton Feebles

Vivial Mancrust

musicians needed

musicians eagerly sought to participate in live performances of

- Vladivostok Supermarket Jazz

- Deep-Sea Timpani Works

- Microminiaturized Intra-Sinus Bacterial Rumba

- the widely unappreciated Eons 'n' Eras Plate Tectonic Waltz

- the Linus Pauling Millennial Sock Drawer Hum

- the refrain from Bill Shatner's "Paunches Ho!"

- the New York to Paris Ballistic Clavichord Rondo

- the Tender Messiah Thirty-three Lashes Salute

- Ridley Scott's "In The Space Shower Everyone Can Hear You Sing"

- the Flatland Narrow Tuba Fugue

- Fanfare For The Twice-Taken Dump

- the Fat Man and Little Boy Fission Round

- Wham-O's Oratorio For Resurrected Sea Monkeys

- the Hypocrite Senator Men's Room Gargle (in 5/4)

- the allegro section of the John Merrick Busted Gland Endocrine Sonata

- the theme from NBC's canceled "Abraham and Isaac: Hilarity Ensues"

- the fascinatin' rhythms of Gweilo White-Boy Honky Drone

- Eva Braun's Toasty Bunker Hop

- the children's chorus from the John Holmes rock opera "Parabolic Gamete Arc"

- Chrysler's Skipped Tune-Up Rod Throw in D

- the Dian Fossey Rhythmic Pelt Preening Cantata

- the Sherwin-Williams Lead Pigment Duet for Nursery Wall and Nervous System

- Catherine Bach's Taut Denim Aria

- the forgotten overture from "The Hindenburg And The Zippo"

- John Philip Sousa's rousing Kimchee Kraut And Slaw Flatus March

- Woodward and Bernstein's Investigative Elevator Music

- early-form Spurned-Electron Ionic Rock

(and)

- the American Dental Association's Million Man Molar Grind

how things looked late on 10 december 2005

Ascent into the bored night sky or what passes for it, two of three spouts dry, just dim sparks from those, third doing its best, sullen gouts of fire, psoriasis flakes making doomed moth flashes as they plummet through the thrust. Damn, thinks USS Sooperman, thought I was done with the ointment. Surface looks as crap from nineteen thousand as it does down there. At least the complaints and grousing're less audible up here, as just then an arm falls off. Christ's puckered contribution, thinks USS Sooperman. Go back for it, or let's be honest still only takes one hand to spank it so maybe not. Plus the price of repair, the popularity of molybdenum. Dull clunk of the arm down below off a little Cessna bound east for Pope's Head Slick, probably. Pale tomato explosion says arm hit engine or maybe tank. One less object aloft is the good thing there. Combover flaps something awful at these speeds, nearly smarts slapping against one side then the other. Sole working spout cuts out for a second, and the new deceleration rides USS Sooperman's shorts way up. It's the heft of the prigging utility belt, unwelcome momentum, but wedgie friction looses some ooze from god knows where and wow're things free, shorts slipping down, way down. Spastic course change and USS Sooperman snags the elastic on the crook of a foot. Now there's all kinds of flapping. Aerodynamics get bad with doubling over to try to hoist the shorts back up, and a meteor hit on the ass arches USS Sooperman backward in pain so there's nothing to stop the next one square into paunch. Not enough hands to rub the stinging impacts. Ragged hole in the tummy carapace says what do you say now to the dumb claim of invulnerability, stupid loaf. Elastic's shot and that's it for the shorts, winging off behind. Chance they'll burn up on reentry, or if not end tangled on some useless public abstract sculpture art. USS Sooperman while considering takes a small research satellite in the face, sideways, so now frontal vanes are smashed, logo's dented, and nothing will look good down at Lonely Bar no matter how low the light. When after looking back up USS Sooperman sees faces pressed against the Shuttle's porthole windows looming just ahead it's not impossible that he accelerates.